Durga Kurupath Week #11: How to (Not) Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Oh, to be so in love with the cute guy in your math class and kiss him in the rain...only to wake up 20 years later dropping the kids off to school while they pour cereal on you and realize your husband hasn't taken the clothes to dry cleaning that day.
I am the biggest fan of the romance genre you will probably ever see. I have a whole collection of different romance novels, mangas, and movies to the point where it's actually embarrassing. I've always looked up to those cliche scenarios and hoped that one day I would live just like them. To me, love meant passion at first sight and it meant that it could overcome any obstacle in the way.
But the truth is, teenage pregnancy is a serious issue in America that has (I'm just messing with you, that's a topic for another day.)
On a serious note, the sad reality is that love can persist through many challenges, but it takes a lot of effort on both sides. Those movies you see with the whole bad-boy-meets-good-nerdy-but-also-extremely-conventionally-attractive-loser-girl sound great in theory, but have you ever heard of their lives after the credits roll? That poor girl is probably still being emotionally manipulated by a guy with major anger issues. When it comes to relationships, love cannot be the driving force. The two main key components to any successful union are trust and communication.
In Asian culture, it's often a common practice to adhere to arranged marriages. It usually works like this: The parents set up the man and the woman, they go on a date (if they're lucky), then straight to marriage, and at least one kid by the first year. Sounds really romantic. But here's the shocking part. According to many studies, arranged marriages have statistically shown to have higher initial success and lower divorce rates. The reasoning behind this is because even if you throw the two most opposite-like people and make them communicate their personal values and boundaries while maybe throwing in a baby here and there, they are bound to tolerate their married life better. However, as you may know, it never really lasts. Don't lose hope though, because it's the same with love-filled marriages, except that it's vice versa.
The important part is keeping the balance. Love is so powerful that it can be a weapon and a cure, but it's essential to understand how to yield it. While we'll receive pleasure, it's just as promised that pain comes along with it too. Yet, when facing such obstacles together, a couple becomes stronger and is able to face whatever the world throws at them together. It comes with the ability to be vulnerable and find comfort in a world that constantly provokes you. The way you interact and hold them accountable determines the years to come, which is surely something to hold onto for it gives us a sense of intimacy that we always yearn for. Just like the movies.
Hi Durga! I love how you always manage to artfully combine humor, an interesting topic, and a compelling message in your blogs! Like you, I’m also a huge fan of the romance genre, and while I will always be a hopeless romantic at heart, I definitely have started to question the authenticity of certain couples in the romance books that I read or the movies that I watch. Your perspective on how love can shift in these cliche romance movies struck me as a very grounded take, and I really agree with you on the idea that essential aspects of making a romantic relationship work–like trust and communication–are always glossed over in these movies, giving the audience a false outlook. I particularly admired that even though you discussed the overlooked pretenses when it comes to romance movies, you didn’t necessarily disprove or berate the romance in the movies themselves, and merely pointed out some of their flaws. Your discussion of arranged marriages was very eye-opening too, and although arranged marriages are very normalized in Asian (especially Indian) cultures, the twist that they actually have lower divorce rates made me rethink my assumptions of love and marriage. Overall, your blog was very heartfelt, and I look forward to your writing in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Durga,
ReplyDeleteYou really got me a teen pregnancy. Though that is indeed a crucial topic, I am glad this blog turned out to be something more unconventional. Love is something that most people desire, however the realities of love can also sometimes be disheartening. Even after you marry someone, you really do not know their true intentions, and sometimes, this can turn into abusive relationships or even manipulative relationships. I feel like love is really a concept of luck. Someday, all you can do is pray that you are lucky enough to meet someone who is fully transparent and who only wants the best for you. In a day and age where it is common for people to be dating multiple people at one and have one night stands (wow, this really went back to teen pregnancy after all), it is really luck that plays into who you’ll find. I think this is why arranged marriages work out most of the time. To my knowledge, the parents of both sides deep dive into the history of the family and the history of the person who will marry their child. Because of this, it is really hard to not be fully transparent. Also, in arranged marriages, if there is any problem, the parents always get involved, and in a time where love lives are often hidden from parents, I think that it is interesting to see that the involvement and guidance of parents is more beneficial than you think. Ultimately, however, abusive relationships do exist, even in arranged marriages, and I think one thing we can take away from this is that there are harsh truths of love that we need to be ready to accept if we really want to pursue something.
Hi Durga! As always, your blog was a joy to read. So much of your humorous and delightful personality shines through in your writing, in a way that is uniquely you. I agree with your sentiment of idolizing romance, and consuming so many romantic content, only to be met with the reality of it as I grew older. Love, not to sound cliche, is, and has always been a very complex thing. I truly believe and not just any combination of two people can create a loving relationship, but rather two people who have dedicated themselves to each other, and are willing to compromise to keep one another happy. I am often fearful of how future relationships will turn out for me, especially marriage. It is a common saying that you never truly know someone until you are married to them, or that idea that someone's true color do not rear until marriage. As paralyzing as the fear of any relationship derailing into toxicity is, I still think it always important to follow your gut instinct, as it rarely seems to lie.
ReplyDeleteHey Durga!
ReplyDeleteYour blog was incredibly interesting this week! I think this is my third or fourth week being in your cohort but in every time I've read your blog I am impressed to see the perfect blend of humor and relevant information. I also enjoyed your commentary on the topic. The title was also intriguing as it is a play-on of a popular movie title about quite the opposite of what you are writing about lol. But your commentary, or guidelines, seem incredibly insightful and detailed! Love is quite the complex topic to talk about but it seems you spoke about it well in your blog while still maintaining your humorous tone. Overall, I truly enjoyed reading your blog this week and look forward to reading what you have to write next week!
Hi Durga! Words cannot describe how much I love "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days." It is my favorite RomCom and among my favorite movies in general, so your blog title immediately pulled me in. Your topic was refreshing and incredibly interesting. The way you are able to blend humor and a VERY conversational tone with insightful topics is amazing; the general way you write is so fun to read. I like how you spoke about love taking more than just cute romance like in the movies--in real life, love is complicated and hard. Like you said, it requires immense "trust and communication." Your example of Asian arranged marriages lasting due to this perseverance was creative and related to your point well, urging me to think more about the topic. Overall, your blog was super creative and I enjoyed reading it a lot!
ReplyDelete